everyone has worked for one of those companies or organizations that is very dysfunctional - this blog is just one of the ways some of us keep our sanity

Monday, February 20, 2006

The Lunch.

First off….phffffff (spit spit) fffffFFFFFFUUUUUUUAAAHHHHHHHHWWWWWKKKK!!!!

Topics of discussion:

1) Lateness (background on this: I've been coming into work anywhere from a half hour to 45 late every morning for years – this has never appeared on my 'record').

2) My 2-4 nights a week of overtime and how we can 'work together' to ease some of the burden on me….without paying me for any overtime or giving me an assistant.

3) And…my favourite: "We're worried about ya – you're doing such a great job as usual but you just don't seem like your fun-loving old self?"


Lunch with the Satan on Friday. Satan was a half hour late. That was fine -- really that shouldn't bother me anyway since I make a pretty conscious point each morning of coming in late myself. Cute. (Oh…and by the by – I'm at work RIGHT ON TIME this morning – and I'm eyeing the clock to make sure I spend approx. one half hour to 45 minutes writing THIS ha ha).

So we headed out to a sweet little luncher, tucked well away from the big 1pm hubbub. Hmmmm, I think, maybe I'll finally get in some real shit about the lateness? Well, if so, I'll counter with my 4 page report on my overtime – the breakdown of my tasks/responsibilities and how many man-hours they take to accomplish which I provided the Gunt with days before that I guarantee have still not been read. Heh, no probs….all you have to do is look the Satan straight in the eye and the empty stink pit where the heart would normally go is plainly exposed through the Gunt's blank little gummied pupils. True enough, a small part of my soul is in danger of being sucked into said pit-through-the-eye-hole each time I risk this contact – but my heart is still pure and pumping enough fresh bright blood it reminds Gunt what a beating healthy heart is and I score that small point before any discussion begins. Disadvantage Gunt.

Topic one: Lateness. Yes, I'm always late. And I make up for it every night by staying late and often eat lunch at my desk (if I eat lunch at all). And no, I don't waste time standing around outside our building ogling unknowings, sucking in cancer sticks and considering all the wild and wonderful ways to cheat on my (main) girlfriend before I head back inside to my filthy (Satanesque) desk to waste time chattin' up the ladies in my low-talkin' baby baby voice. And I don't spend my average day spying on co-workers to report to the Gunt. No, gentle readers, I don't smoke. ANYway, Satan sez: Ya gotta try to try to make the effort to be at work on time. If ya don't there will be a price to pay. I have the feeling I can still afford it. But I'll give them this I quietly decide. We'll see how it goes at any rate. (So far so good – 15 more minutes o' this and I'll have to sign off to start my work day!) Okay…so lateness, right naughty me (even though I work more hours than most around here)…I will indeed try to try.

Topic two: Overtime. Yes, I work a helluva a lot of overtime for about 4-5 months each year, as I have for almost a pathetic decade. A few of us put in a lot of this 'extra' work because our jobs need to get done, we care about our jobs, our reputations, and this place is horribly understaffed in some departments and sickeningly overstaffed in others – hence some departments leaving early and taking 3 hour lunches and spending outrageous amounts of time looking at internet silly/smut video at full volume.

Satan: We're working at a deficit this year dontcha know. We can't afford to hire anyone for you right now. We don't need to I say – how about an intern, a co-op student. I've got piles and piles of donkey work that someone else can look after for once so I can spend more time working on some i-ni-tia-tives.

Satan blinks. Huh? Satan: We need to use our own department staff more effectively. Yep, yep we do I agree. Satan: How about using So and So for more support? (who already has plenty on her plate). Me: Hmm…yes, sure (and smile inside knowing secretly that So and So will only be around a couple more weeks before setting free and leaving the country). So…..and SO….I look down at my apple salad. There is no one else in our department to consider for support.

We eat our lunch. Satan changes the subject to mortgage payments. I'm barely living above the poverty line, barely managing rent and pet food. So I talk about how poorly our industry perceives our organization….carefully. I mention that our organization needs a serious boost in image, in communication, in ethics….very carefully. The Satan offers….that the Satan is biding time. Oh yes, I know about that….I don't say.

Topic three: Touching concern felt by upper management that I'm not myself lately. My work quality and output is unaffected and outstanding, but I'm just not appearing like my old happy go lucky self – gosh, for some time now! (ahhh, yeah, that would be 4 years actually). Satan: is everything okay in your world??? Why yes! I say a bit too enthusiastically. Life IS good for me these days. Work is good too. (But in my pumping heart: It's just YOU, Satan. It's you and your evil regime, the cacklers and hacklers and wicked back-slackerers!) Satan: We've noticed you're not really hanging out with the gang anymore? Me (in my bloodied heart): You've fired, tortured, framed the gang that I hung out with, Satan. You've mentally/emotionally raped the rest of us who have stayed and continue to work hard for you. You've lied, you've stolen, you've been disrespectful in every conceivable way and we realize you are mentally unstable and there's nothing we can do about it but take your abuse until we find a way out and hold our own sanity safe in our big red bloody hearts. You believe in yourself….you're the only one who does and that's a problem. Me (out loud): My gang. Is gone.

Of course I do not mention that the rest of us (survivors) are now a gang of sorts. The worst thing this uncommunicative place can know about is just who is communicating with who around here…at this hopeless point.

Satan: Well, this has been really nice – we've GOT to do this more often! How about lunch on us at least once a month so we can keep in better touch about things? Henh? Satan tries for the old eye twinkle, but I see/smell nothing but smog.

Mmmm, delicious lunch! (if you don't mind the taste of your own raging bile chasing down your gob after that apple salad). It should take about a month for my intestines to heal.

Me: Sounds sweeeell.

Monday, February 13, 2006

We're a T-E-A-M

Cause we have been doing such an outstanding job lately - we were graced with a pizza lunch on Friday - welll some of the staff was treated to a pizza lunch. A bunch of us made a quick escape in order to have lunch with the "banished" and the "escaped".
The "banished" being one of the former employees here who was "dismissed" because of personal reasons (those personal reasons being, her boss "didn't like her", as we all couldn't figure out any other reason.
The "escaped" was another employee who left after a sabbatical, and good for her.

Anyways... thought we should cover some of the madness that had been occurring over the past couple of months.... and that will start tomorrow.

PS: We are having another "Staff" meeting next week. Shocking, as the last one was so rife with information.... forgot my sarcastic smiley again...

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

So the year begins anew... in February

So the illustrious management hath decried that we will have a "staff meeting" next week. The concept seems foreign. I feel the need the use the dictionary, thesaurus, anything at my hands to determine what this term actually means.
"Staff meeting"...
maybe the idea seems so foreign due to the fact that this is first staff meeting we have had in YEARS. This may also be due to the fact that the last "management meeting" we have had dates back to February of 2005!!!! Last year fer chrissakes!!!!
Let's let this sink in a little...

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

...And You're Not Invited

Is there an organisation out there for whom money is not a central issue? As a logical extension of this idea, it's reasonable to think that one's Accounting Department - and specifically, it's manager - would be in on all major meetings where finances are involved.

Well think again.

We recently had a post-mortum for a special event facilitated by The Cack. All the managers were there, ready to discuss their various aspects of the event and hear about all victories and troubles that the others had. All, except the Manager of Accounting.

That's right; the person who oversaw every dollar that came through in the name of putting this event on, the person who dealt with EVERY department (and their various revenue streams and expense sheets) was the one manager not invited to this pow-wow.

It doesn't make a lick of sense. But then again, it makes perfect sense.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The Right Person For The Job

Things at The Cack are in turmoil. Not that that should be news, but this is pretty big.

One of our major sponsors looks to be pulling part of their sponsorship, and it’s a piece that’s fairly critical to the survival of the organisation.

So, the number 2 Cack is informed of this, there is an oh-so-serious discussion as to what to do about this, and it’s agreed that the number 1 Cack MUST go and meet with these people and try and cajole them into doing otherwise. There’s just no other way around this. Sometimes in business, one has to pull out the big guns on occasion. That’s just the way it is.

Well, the decree has just come down from on high that Cack number 1 has decreed that they MIGHT meet with our wayward sponsor, but intends to send a couple of low-level Cacks in her place.


So, let’s see what we’ve got here. A VIP is sending a couple of grunts to meet with some other VIP’s about a very important matter than concerns the wellbeing and happiness of an equally important Cack revenue stream. Am I the only one that sees a problem with this?!

Time for a look into the future… This meeting happens; the sponsor stands firm (partly because they are insulted that we sent a couple of nobodies to make our case) and pulls the part of their sponsorship. Said important revenue stream is generally infuriated at the affect this has on them and (possibly) pulls part of their funding, the head Cacks shrug their collective shoulders with a ‘well, we tried’ look on their faces and life goes on…and on…and on…and on…

Another Cack-tacular Failure!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

I think I know what you have to do to get fired...

Hmmm, let's see... you are coordinating a special event or seminar that runs over a couple of days, maybe you take a long, long, lunch... forget to turn your mobile on... that is the sure fire way to get fired.

Everything else can be crumbling around you, but take that long lunch, and here is your pink slip. Nevermind that you weren't trained properly for the gig. Nevermind that your boss and their underling have completely taken over, because they haven't trained you properly, and it would take far too much time to explain things. Nevermind that they have already blamed your predecessor for a massive cluster-fuck that was actually their own fault. Nevermind that things are so poorly organized that the bosses themselves don't know if things are going to work out, and in the end, they barely do. Nevermind that every thing that is going wrong makes the whole organization look so bad as a whole.

Don't worry though, no thanks to you, your boss' bosses will turn around, pat us all on the back and congratulate the team on a job well done! Well, if the boss' bosses knew that their progeny were having fun downunder upstairs in the hotel suite while the "party" raged on, would they still be patting everyone's back. So happy that the organization paid for your progeny's room for the night, and that they felt that had to "come" down to the party suite rather than keep it in their pants until they got back to their room.

But I digress. Nice to know that out of everything that happened, that you now have a scapegoat to blame all the wrongs on. Nothing really is every your fault, right? Hire and Fire. Roll'em and Smoke'em if you got 'em. Fiddle while Rome burns, Little Nero, Fiddle while Rome burns.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

So what does a person have to do...

To get fired around here...

Storm off in anger then return all smiles, like a deranged split personality?
Use the wrong charts when plotting information, to only have to redo everything because of it?
Waste a couple of hundred dollars on mailing costs by not weighing things properly?
Scapegoat former employees as the reason this, that and everything go wrong?
Not hold a meeting to inform other employees what the hell is going on?
Suggest that we bring in outside consultants to "help you" do your job?
Request that we purchase laptops at a premium for you and your golden ones, even when we are running a deficit?
Being prepared enough to know that when you deal with media, that you should have some answers to questions you yourself came up with for a interview?
Rather than explain how a system works to others, grasping the reins and doing it yourself, only to keep steering the Titantic into deeper icebergs?
Make claims that other departments "alienate" themselves from everyone else, when you harbour the "its us versus them" mentality at all times?
Use the paging system in the office to contact one another, when you know which extension everyone is at?
Entertains ones friends on the company's dime, a couple of times a year?
Bitch about others in the office, openly, loudly?
Put others almost to tears, when all they need is a little time, then turn around and waste time gabbing and such?